Belle Karen – “Beneath my shadows | A call for help”

Life

A silent cry for peace

The Universe 

I breathe life

Dear Life:

        How are you and the breathing you keep so vividly? How are the vile ones and the morning you keep for them? You even gave them a night to rest their relentless souls, how guilty do you feel about that? How is survival? An eye for an eye, love to carry on and only money to keep us going.

        How is faith? She is our uncertainty for the next day, our reliability to believe, the hope we hang with so much weight on our soul, just to believe our tomorrow will be better and that torture not knowing what it will be like at the end of each tomorrow, isn’t that devoid already? Finally, how is death? I know you don’t know him that much, that is why you filled our mind with so much fear. You have given us everything, who wants to lose that? Well, life is more painful than death, the death you have denied our rights to have.

        I am writing this letter to tell you that I have already chosen death over you. So, each mark on my wrist tells a story, of how I have chosen death over you, how meaningless the pain was. Even the pain that comes after mercy is not close enough to the identity I drag just to call my own.

        Mark one, it was a stormy day as always. I was just a little dark cloud with no place to belong as I watched the sun dance with no grace. Only if I can find my place above the clouds, maybe then I can find my peace. I cut and I cut then I healed.

        Mark three, that night the moon asked me why? Why do you think this life is for you? Why do you think I will grace over your bruised shoulders and heal you? Why do you think mummy walks over you when you bleed? Why do you think your friends leave anytime you seek happiness? Why do you think love can’t find you? In every human I watch over, there is no place for you. Even the stars don’t grant you, your wishes. You are nothing, I cut; unacceptable, I cut; nonexistence, I cut; a mistake, I cut and I cut and I cut, I bled, I bled. 

        As I bled, I was that string, in between life and death. But I survived, maybe life wants me after all.

I am at peace now

Photo by Nicolas Thomas on Unsplash