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Ejiga Michael Jigs – “Depression”

They say, great talent, great challenge
Great tests for the greatests, I do have stories to tell.
This is a true story
I clocked sixteen and started facing challenges as a teen, it hasn’t been easy for me, I’ve just been pretending, when I say “I’m fine and give a crocodile smile” it’s a false smile, it a forced smile
So when someone says he is fine, check if he is truly fine, he might be depressed for a very long time
Because it is okay to say you are okay when you are not okay believing you will be okay, that’s called faith, when it’s time you will be very okay
Sometimes I hide my pains just because of what people would say, I wonder what hurt most; the pains you pass through or what people feel about you,
the last time I checked, they all said ”you are doing good” but how is that true? If I try to prove that it’s not true I will look like a fool, but keeping it already made a fool.
Now they all have said ”you are strong” but I still don’t feel strong and that really hurts,
Like one dream I had, I was drowning in a pool and was screaming, and the people were hailing and clapping because they all thought I was swimming, just like a fish on fire burning and jiggling and people called it a dance. When I gnarled and gnashed people wonder and ask how I could laugh like that
It hurt so badly that they all say the same thing
but I guess God is just trying to speak to me through their voices ”the peoples’ voice is one with God’s voice” so they say.
So when next I think they try mock me ”I just claim it”
And when you bless me ”I claim it”
I tell myself ”I will make it”
I’m Joseph, always dreaming, and not accepting defeat, not wanting to be pitied even while taken from the pit to the prison, I kept believing ”would soon be in my palace”
But sometimes I feel nostalgic even at home
Among friend, I still feel alone, I can’t appease my boredom with my phone,
But I know I’m not alone because God promised to be with me that is why I have a shadow
But my thought says ”even the shadow leaves when the road gets too dark and narrow”
So it seemed, but it’s not ”when the road gets dark and narrow, my shadow (God’s promise and presence) grows to shield me from arrows shot by darkness in my Oblivions”
And to this fact we’ve been oblivious,
If you accept this opinion as your sole premium, then you began your journey to freedom from depression.
How come I suddenly  changed my opinions, and for once felt strong?
See, I have lines or the folds on the skin of my forehead, they are not lines but marks, they are maps.
Marks from the sleepless nights I’ve spent crying for my depressed soul to find the right compass and pass out, they are maps,
Try to read them, they will show you how long I walked to freedom, how I struggled, how I prayed to get through and I did scale through depression, it’s a true story
So if you’ve been like I’ve been, the only thing I will tell you is; wait and pray “you be okay cause time heals.” God heals with time, you will see that these pains are not pains but just a way to become great.
So when things happen that you can’t control all you need is self-control not to have anyone blamed for the delays, hatred, and challenges you face, don’t even say its the devil’s faults because it’s truly not, the devil isn’t that strong
So stop the self-hate, cheer up and kick depression where it belongs
For God’s grace says ”when I’m done you shall be strong cause I will make you a voice and gift to generations”
Don’t forget “to be the greatest, you need to pass the great test” yeah greatly challenged greatly talented, just don’t relent you will make it
You’ve made it!
Photo by 翔音 on Unsplash

1 Comment

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A’ishah Aliyureply
May 23, 2020 at 5:14 am

I’ve made it!. Operation kick depression away. I had to read till the end your words just drew me in. Thanks for sharing
Ejiga Michael Jigs

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