The only thing that stopped her from reaching out to the arms of death was the sound of the music that kept her head shaking and her heart beating.
“What happens when the music stops?” something deep within her whispered. The voice spoke measures to an answer it desperately needed, the voice was hers in a way she couldn’t quite explain. It felt like an echo coming from an alternate dimension of the universe. But really, all it wanted was the answer to the quasi complex question; “What happens when the music stops?”
She had no idea what the answer was, all she truly had at that moment were the tears that kept streaming down her eyes, the music that blared through the speakers, and the little razor blade that had kissed her wrists so desperately.
The only thing she had to lean on was the wood frame of the crusty scented vintage door. Her eyes were looking up to the sky, or at least the ceiling and the makeshift sky her mind had so graciously created. She had nothing really in the midst of all the chaos and all she really wanted was peace. The way she saw it, she had two inevitable options; Reach out to the arms of death or never stop the music. All her options clawed at her to get picked; the latter more gentle than the former. She had just one choice to make and she couldn’t say which way she was going to go.
Then it hit her. Sadness, although highly uncontrollable, had a way of giving you a lot of options you couldn’t quite see clearly through a hazed mind. She took one breath after the other, long and hard. She looked at the aftermath of the deadly kiss on her wrists and in that moment she realized, she wasn’t reaching out to the arms of death as much as it was reaching out to her own hands, and she wasn’t going to let it pull her into whatever darkness it lurked in.
The music was everything, a soulful fix and a way of drowning out the madness in her mind’s maze, but it wasn’t going to solve her deepest problems, only she could really do that. She needed to find peace in the darkness and the chaos of it all. Sure! It wasn’t as easy as it sounded, but her first step was to stop the music and throw the razors into a deep end. This was a battle between her and the demons that once controlled her mind, and she was definitely not going to let them win. At least, not while she was alive and breathing air given to her by a much greater power, where all her strength at that moment was drawn from.
“What happens when the music stops?” the voice asked again.
“I’ll find peace, peace never stops playing.” She replied.