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Hailey Moghalu – “Remember”

I want you to remember

I want you to remember that while I lived, I tried.
I tried to love.
You know, when my face unraveled more marks of hate the longer i
stared in that gilded mirror, I tried to love.
I tried to see the beauty in the scars and life in the despair.
I tried to love.
I tried to feel too.
I never told you, but I tried to feel the joy when you held me.
Sometimes I felt something, but it wasn’t joy.
So I forced myself to feel joy, forced myself again and again until
my heart became raw from all layers I peeled back and my blood
overflowed freely, unbidden, uninhibited into the sinews and cavities.
I tried my best to feel.
I tried to fight.
I wasn’t always this weak.
I fought the precursors with a vengeance rivaling Arya’s. I fought
the thoughts like a raging bull that yearns to control the matador.
But I tire of fighting. I’m tired of the war.
I let it beat me instead. Let it plunge its razor-sharp dagger
between my shoulder blades and tear my heart into pieces.
So I write you this note- this final piece of my soul- to let you
know the demons that mocked me behind my swollen eyes and tired
smiles.
You didn’t deserve to meet them alive. Your smile is still sterling.
I write you this note to tell you that I tried my hardest to survive.
And to warn you: If those demons come for you, when they do, fight a
little harder. Try a little harder. Feel a little harder. Maybe, you
wouldn’t need to drown yourself as you drown them, too.
P.s – I left spaghetti in the fridge. I know you hate it but
eat, little one. You will need your strength.

 

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

5 Comments

Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.

Abdul-Aziz Ahmadreply
May 21, 2020 at 2:18 am

Dayumn mehn this is truly bleak. Awesome yes but chillingly bleak. So bleak that I delved into a world of stormy thoughts and cloudy moods because well it speaks to me in a way that I can’t really yet put my finger on. Maybe it’s the feeling of not being quite enough or feeling they deserve better or beating yourself up because you’re not living up to your own lofty images of yourself or just despairing at being so weak but I feel you, I feel you in the innermost reaches of soul and if truth be told, we all need a hug when the weather screams fog

adminreply
May 21, 2020 at 8:32 am
– In reply to: Abdul-Aziz Ahmad

Please reach out to the numbers in the “Get Help” section if you need someone to talk to

Abbiereply
May 21, 2020 at 5:07 pm
– In reply to: Abdul-Aziz Ahmad

This is soo beautiful, I envisaged this piece word for word,that’s how much it pierced my soul. It gradually but effectively fits into some scenarios of life phases I’ve been through..this is just deep,so deep and felt real and spoke to me..I love it.

Williams Davidreply
May 21, 2020 at 9:10 am

I love this …… It was like a reflection of myself staring at me, its like my shadow mimic in my moves, you drop it like you know it, most especially this : So I write you this note- this final piece of my soul- to let you
know the demons that mocked me behind my swollen eyes and tired.
Bigger you
smiles.

MILLYreply
May 21, 2020 at 4:05 pm

This is a Beautiful Piece.

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