”Maybe I’ll drive myself to madness,
Spinning in circles, don’t have it figured out just yet”
Those are lyrics from Lucius’ ‘Madness’
And in these times, they couldn’t be more apt,
Is it depression that causes one to leave one song on repeat for a week or is it depression that causes one to intentionally seek out songs that that are sad in the first place?
I fear that by the time I find the answer to my question it may be too late
I mean, all signs point to the world heading towards an inevitable end so would it really be all that bad if I decide to go out on my own?
Not too late for me,
But too late for those that love me
I believe that self-induced demise doesn’t affect me that ends it personally but those that I will leave behind
Will they love me?
Will they miss me?
Will they loathe me?
Do I even care how they remember me?
Do the repercussions of a man’s death affect the dead man?
To all but me, I have time to figure out this thing called life, but to me, it really doesn’t feel like that,
Life is jumping out of a moving aircraft with a parachute,
But my parachute has refused to take in air
And I fear I may crash
The difference between myself and others with parachutes that are yet to take in air is that I am not struggling to try to fix my chute,
I want it to end
Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash